Respect is an interesting word. I like taking a word apart to see what it means. Today, I’d like to look at the word “respect” and examine what meaning it can have in Red Lake.
Respect has two roots, “re” and “spect”. Merriam-Webster (MW) says that you can find its roots in:
“Middle English, from Latin respectus, literally, act of looking back, from respicere to look back, regard, from re- +specere to look”
“re” also means again. So respect can mean to “look again”.
Respect has the same Latin verb root “specere” as the word “circumspect”.
This combined with “circum” which means around or about, means, according to MW,
“to consider all circumstances and possible consequences”.
MW also provides some definitions for respect, two of which I’d like to focus on.
“…2: an act of giving particular attention: CONSIDERATION
3a: high or special regard: ESTEEM…”
Let’s look at consideration first. Think of all those scenes in the movies where the hero is suddenly and unexpectedly face to face with a rattling rattlesnake, coiled and ready to strike, or the scene where a person finds himself facing a “gangsta” with a gun. The hero “respects” the rattler and the person facing the gun respects the gangsta because one considers the consequences of the bite and the bullet and damage and destruction they can do, but not because one holds the rattler and gangsta in high esteem.
The second kind of respect is the one I think of the most, to hold a person in high or special regard. However, this begs the question; for what?
I believe one respects someone because they are good. One can also respect someone who does good because they are good. People respect someone who freely chops some firewood for a little old lady across the road. I respect a woman who gives a meal without expecting anything in return. You respect someone who thinks kindly of others. We respect polite people. That’s why we learn to “respect our elders” because we assume they will do these things.
On the other hand, the person at whom he is pointing the gun cannot respect the gangsta who demands respect and points a gun at him. The gansta hasn’t done something good. In addition, we don’t respect the spiritual leader, because they don’t live according to our standards of virtue—the most obvious ones are that they drink, or sleep around, when they should be sober and chaste.
“Look Again”
How can I respect someone who apparently doesn’t “deserve” respect or hasn’t “earned it” yet? That depends on how I “look again”. Think of these movie scenes:
- the Marshall is polite to the town whore
- the teacher who calls all of his students “Mr.”, and “Miss”
- the police who respect the rights of the gangsta when he arrests him
- The passing stranger calls for help for the drunk laying out on the side of the road
The town Marshall may not agree with the whore’s moral choice and the teacher may know that the children don’t have the knowledge or experiences that would put them on the same level with him. The cop realizes the gangsta has chosen his behavior, and the passing stranger knows that the drunk “has brought it on himself”. However, Marshall, teacher, passing stranger, and cop all “look again” at the whore, gangsta, children and drunk and their basic humanity—the ability to be good, or goodness in other ways, and show their respect for that.
What’s the difference between inherent respect and having to earn respect?
Inherent respect is gained from being good, or from doing good because you are good. Our spiritual leaders–no matter what religion they practice, the teacher and the policeman, we expect them to be altruistic, to be better than the people they serve. When they are, we inherently respect them. The teacher respects the students because they are good, or because they can be good. They all have our respect as a natural consequence of being or doing good.
Losing respect
- Meet a reservation cop on a lonely road and he busts your tail light out—and then gives you a ticket for it…
- See the local medicine man get drunk or sleep with any number of women, or see your local Pastor sleeping with women in the congregation…
- See a tribal official engaging in cronyism…
When they fail to be and do good, they lose our respect. To earn our respect, or to regain our respect, they have to change their bad behavior.
Being respectful is not based on an all-or-nothing proposition.
The examples given before should show that people deserve respect for more than one reason. Almost all Red Lakers are inherently good. Some Red Lakers make mistakes. Red Lakers who do bad things can change their behavior. Red Lakers mature just like anyone else.
Sometimes it is hard to “look again” or respect someone else when people make a habit of mistakes and bad behavior, but it is something we can do more often in order to be respected.
Interesting that earlier in this commentary, you mention spiritual leaders right after ganstras. Not too happy with someone, eh?
I’ve always felt that everyone deserves respect until they lose it – and I have lost respect for some people in my lifetime. Usually that person regained some of it, but I kept my distance from them anyway. Confrontantion avoidance.
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Not really unhappy with anyone. Just some things I’ve noticed and think about. What is that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?” I think for people we don’t know it’s easy to ignore them from the point of lost respect on. But for the people we care about, life continues on with them until those things fade into the background.
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Respect is a wonderful thing to look closely at. Enjoyed your insights. Thanks for subscribing to my blog–it means a lot to me 🙂
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Thank YOU! I enjoy reading it!
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Interesting look at respect. Sometimes giving respect to someone who hasn’t earned it may help them become more worthy of our respect. Of course there are those who could care less and think it is just our problem.
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Daisy I agree with your great insight about giving respect helps others to become more worthy of it. And the people that could care less? I think they discount others because they would have to examine their own behavior otherwise. Nice insights!
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You make Rodney Dangerfield proud…
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🙂
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Thank you, Russell, for giving me something to think about this evening 🙂
I seem to be quite clear on parts of this one: I recognise authority and sometimes fear authority, because, in my opinion, it is quite often bestowed upon those who are frightening or ineffectual – both dangerous and useless.
I don’t associate respect directly with authority, but I may respect the person who is in authority, if they treat others (particularly those who they have been given some kind of authority over) with equal respect.
Through my various actions, in my various lives, I have lost and gained the respect of many, but the net result is a gain, because I have been able to learn and continue on my way. This encourages me to reconsider others, sometimes finding my own respect laid down in surprising places.
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Julia, Great food for thought. Thanks for sharing. I like it all but especially “respect laid down in surprising places.”
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