If I were to die tomorrow…
The thought has crossed my mind a few times today. What with Corvid-19 going around and being 65 and a hypochondriac. I have the dry cough, sore red throat, and congestion. Wifie says the virus kills the cilia lining the throat. You can’t cough stuff up so you get pneumonia and die.
So, if I were to die tomorrow. I wouldn’t be too upset. A sudden illness and quick death would be much better to me than say, a slow decline into Alzheimers. Better to rip the bandage off quickly than to peel it back slowly.
Hm. All this imagery.
I suppose I’m not too worried because I have certain expectations of death. It will be like the next horizon. The undiscovered country. When I stand there, you’ll see me, but you won’t see those whom I see on the other side of the hill. There are the people I leave behind and the people I meet: generations of family members, friends, acquaintances, and strangers for whom I’ve done so many things I don’t remember.
Life’s been good. For the past 33 years. I’ve had a better half who has kept my heart warm, life challenging, and to whose presence I’ve looked forward every morning. If it’s true that “man is, that he might have joy”, then, having “endured to the end”, I have “fulfilled the measure of my creation”.
I do have my regrets though. I wish I were more brave, and could have said those things I wanted for my family and friends, to them. I’ve partially hidden behind a facade of “live and let live”, and Zen. That if people wanted to change, wanted more, they would have pursued it.
But that’s not totally true either. People are sometimes afraid, and that fear can keep them from what they want. Just as my fear of rejection keeps me from sharing what I want for them. Perhaps if I had said something, I could have helped them with their fear.
I know there is no letting someone do something. I can’t control my family, friends, and acquaintances, but, I can influence you.
So if I were to die tomorrow, tonight I would say to you, “Be Good”. Most of the troubles we endure, we create ourselves. Live while looking forward with an eye of faith to the undiscovered country. Life is eternal.
I don’t worry about me, but my daughter would be very upset. The rest of my family would be sad, I think, but not at a loss like Sunshine. Thank goodness she has a wonderful husband.
Sent from my iPhone
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For the last week I have had a cold of some kind with congestion and a sore throat. I am 72 so I have been thinking similar thoughts to what you describe. It could have been COVID-19, even though I don’t think I had a fever and never felt as though I could not breathe. I can’t be sure that I had no fever because I have no thermometer and there are none to be had anywhere. I got better after drinking quarts of herbal tea and putting Badger Balm chest rub on anyplace that felt congested every night. I hope you get better too. I appreciate your post, words of comfort, looking at death directly and realizing that it is actually part of life. My aunt has Alzheimer’s and I would definitely rather go quickly than endure what she has gone through. But having said that I hope that as few of us as possible die in this epidemic. If it is my time, then so be it, but even my death would add to the already challenged resources of the place where I live (Albany NY). If possible wait a few more years …
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Thanks Ann!
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My friend… you’ll be fine – just a cold and maybe the effect of being brainwashed by the list of symptoms from the media. Being good is a great advise and I know you have many many many more years of doing just that. So stay safe and smile! 🙂 Love the photo!
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You are brave to write and share these personal thoughts with your readers. From what I know about you, you live your life doing what you believe is right and good. You are generous, thoughtful and grateful. I sincerely hope that this virus isn’t the end of your life on earth.
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