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Posts Tagged ‘Reflection’


Solitary cicada debutant

calling for a lover.

You will die a virgin.

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It all started when my wife decided to get the mail. She thought she should get in better shape by powering up our 660 foot steep driveway.

She then went upstairs to her office where she started having chest and back pains. She thought about laying down there until they went away. I thank God that it was uniquely painful enough that she decided to come back downstairs.

I first heard about it when she entered our living room rubbing her chest with one hand and giving me her phone with the other. “I think I’m having a heart attack. Call 911.”

“I’m having chest and back pains, starting to sweat, and my skin feels cold and clammy.”

I had her sit down on the couch and put her feet up on the ottoman and dialed 911 with shaking hands. How do you get to the place where you can dial 911?

At this point she was holding her chest with both hands and rocking front and back. “My hands are going numb and I’m starting to feel pain radiating up my neck and jaw.” She said.

I got the operator on the line, gave my name and address and told her that my wife was having a heart attack and described the symptoms, and that we needed an ambulance.

I couldn’t help but get a little angry as she calmly said that she was going to transfer me to the state police dispatch as we lived in an unincorporated township. Didn’t she know she should hurry? Then they transferred me to medical dispatch. That didn’t make me feel any better. Hurry, Hurry!

Between quickening breaths LLC keeps repeating, “I love you. I’m sorry. And trying to tell where the important papers are kept.

Inside my heart is wrenching as I tell her “I know, I know.” There’s nothing to forgive.” and “Yes, I remember where everything is.”

The operator tells me that the ambulance is on the way.

LLC wants to get up and walk around the pain is so bad. I make her stay on the sofa and tell her the ambulance is on the way.

Our poodle Belle is worried something is wrong and trying to nose her way between LLC and me.

The operator tells me if I have a dog to put her in another room and open the door so the EMTs can get in.

I tell LLC that I have to leave her for a second to do just that. Belle doesn’t want to go but lets me guide her into the bedroom where I have to close her in.

I run to the front door, open it and hurry back to LLC.

Pretty soon we hear the sirens of the ambulance. “They are close. They’ll be here in a few minutes. I say this to reassure her…and myself.

Never was I more glad to hear the sound of an ambulance.

I’m CPR certified, but I’m glad I don’t have to use it and worry about breaking her ribs.

The ambulances pulls up in front of the house and I say “We’re in here!” as they reach the front door.

We relate her symptoms, as they question us, and they tell her they have to expose her chest to hook up the leads to the portable EKG machine.

If she’s embarrassed, she doesn’t show it, as she tells them to “Go ahead.” like it’s no big deal.

Almost immediately the EMT reads the slip and says, “Yep, you’re having a heart attack.”

Another EMT pops 4 chewable baby aspirin and tells LLC to chew them. The others bring the stretcher in and gently transfer her to it. They wheel her out to the ambulance.

As they strap her in, I ask if I can ride with as I don’t want to leave her. “No but you can follow behind, just don’t speed.”

They take off, lights flashing.

It takes me a couple of minutes to call my Bishop and ask if he’ll assist me in giving her a blessing at the hospital.

I try not to cry as I tell him what happened but I can’t help myself. I’m somewhat relieved but her future is still uncertain.

In the ambulance they have given her 4 more baby aspirin. LLC is in such pain that she has stopped verbally responding to the EMT’s questions. He is asking them to keep her conscious. Instead she squeezing his leg so he knows that she is still with him. They give her morphine to help with the pain.

Hearing the concern of the first EMT, the second, who is driving asks “Should I come back there?”

“Just drive faster!” So he does.

By the time I get on 70, I can see the ambulance lights miles away

LLC wants them to take her to a different hospital but they tell her they have to take her to the nearest one that can treat her.

Since he lives closer to the hospital my Bishop makes it there before I do. We’re on the phone when he says “That must be her ambulance pulling off the exit right in front of me”.

I arrive a few minutes later but have to wait because of COVID restrictions only one person is allowed in the ER room at a time and he beat me there.

They let us both in anyway because we are priests.

They’ve prepped her for the cath lab but are waiting for the cardiologist to return who had gone home for the day.

Med staff leaves the room so we can privately bless her.

They wheel her off to the cath lab and my Bishop and I are led to that waiting room.

We trade medical war stories while we wait. I think he does it to help me hold it together.

The hour goes by quickly and the nurse comes out. “She did well and the Dr. will talk to you in the ER.

LLC is sedated but coming out of it. She had to be awake through the whole procedure.

After writing up his notes, the Cardiologist comes to see us. You can tell he’s an old army doctor with good bedside manner.

He presents us with his drawing of a heart with its major arteries and shows us the: 100, 80, 70, and 50% blockages.

The 100% was what precipitated the attack. It was on the widow-maker underneath the heart but close enough to the end of the artery where it wasn’t fatal.

He didn’t put stents in the others because he didn’t want to over stress her heart. They could be dealt with in the future.

LLC spent two more days in the hospital, mostly for heart and femoral artery incision monitoring. Then she came home so she could get some sleep.

Why am I telling you this story? Partly catharsis but also instructive.

Being religious, I like to think that we were blessed with a few small miracles.

We both knew the usual signs of a heart attack. LLC was blessed because she being female didn’t have unusual signs of a heart attack.

It only took the EMTs seven minutes to get there, and there were two ambulances.

LLC was instantly diagnosed by EKG. We didn’t have to worry about misdiagnosis like “panic attack”, or “gall bladder”, or “indigestion”.

And it only took them ten minutes to get to the hospital.

She made it there in record time.

There was minimal to no damage to her heart.

So please,

Watch https://www.netflix.com/title/81157840

Eat good food

Take 1 baby aspirin a day or keep aspirin handy.

Learn about heart attack symptoms.

And take CPR training.

You never know when you will need it.

With love,

Russell

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Every eve we take a walk.
The time when dog and I and nature talk.

With Plover’s song and bullfrog’s honk.
With rabbit’s graze and beaver’s swim,
rippling still pond’s mirror.

A bright full moon smiles down upon someone somewhere to the southeast,

suspended between the waning blue of day and indigo of night.

Occasional cicadas click-rasp in the grass.

Rose gold cloud punctuates the sky’s transition to the north,

and the dark, dark, green indistinguishable trees surround us in panoramic horizon.

Solitary ephemeral firefly lights arc impending night.

My soul is quiet.

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“I am always surprised to discover that when the world seems darkest, there exists the greatest opportunity for light.”

From: A Curse So Dark and Lonely, by Brigid Kemmerer.

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https://scitechdaily.com/physics-mystery-behind-coffee-ring-formation-uncovered/

I couldn’t figure out how to get this to you, Marina Kanavaki directly, but I thought you’d be interested, as it explains the science behind the watercolor art at which you excel.

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I did not realize the depths of my wife’s love

until she spent hours beside my hospital bed

while all I had strength for

was to sleep and recover.

Or when she was there

While I relearned how to do every little thing.

Or when she bathed me when I couldn’t.

I didn’t realize the depths of her love

when she attended to bodily functions I’m embarrassed to mention.

Or when she cut up my meat at the table because at the time I lacked the capacity to do so.

Or when, like a mother asking a child, “What’s Wrong?”

She wondered at my tears of frustration

at not healing fast enough,

or my weeping in gratitude at doing something simple for the first time

this time around,

like moving a toe.

I didn’t realize the depths of her love

until I experienced all the myriad ways she cared for me,

when I couldn’t care for myself.

And now, when she gets even more angry at me for smiling during her lecture

for doing something so incredibly stupid,

it’s because

I realize the depths of her love.

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We think ourselves immortal,

until we are not.

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Before my fall

I thought slapstick was funny.

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The nature of pride, and it’s ruin, is to think, speak, or act as if oneself were better than others.

The nature of humility and its salvation, is the thought, speech, and act to become better than one was.

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It would not be appreciated,

if you were not with me

to enjoy it.

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