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Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Your One True Love


What do you do,
when you’ve found your one true love?

When they’ve given their self to you,
when you have what you always wanted.

When you’ve spent your whole life searching,
and all you know is the getting.

How do you learn the keeping,
when you’ve found your one true love?

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How much harder it must be

to love a friend

when you know

they’ve betrayed you.

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July 25th


July 25th,
was the day I almost left this Earth,
and you behind,
after falling most heavily upon it.

Who would have thought
that a mere accident
could claim the life of an immortal?

I look around the garage,
this house,
my den.

And see tools,
supplies,
and things,
that only have meaning for me.

What a mess
I would have left
for you to clean up.

And all the additional responsibilities
you would have had to assume.

I am so, so sorry
that I put you through all this.

And cry,
embarrassing both of us,
with tears of gratitude
for your tender kindnesses since then.

And smile/grimace through tears,
when you in anger say,
that if I ever did  something  like that again,
you would kill me.

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On Monday, I made her a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for lunch.

On Tuesday, I made her a jelly-and-peanut-butter sandwich.

On Wednesday she received a sandwich made of peanut-butter-and-jelly,

and on Thursday she was gifted a sandwich made of jelly-and-peanut- butter.

On Friday, why is she telling me, I need more variety in my life?

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It would not be appreciated,

if you were not with me

to enjoy it.

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I was looking through a small unpublished journal I wrote as an undergrad and liked one of the poems I read in it. So I decided to reprint it here with a few changes to reflect my current understanding. I’m so glad I’m no longer in that situation, and my heart goes out to those who are.

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A long time ago,
twenty times before,
I’ve walked the path I’m walking now.

My love is lost.

Lonliness is what that path is made of.

I’ve gone and lost another.

You,
have been stifled

by me.

 

“What can I do?” I ask myself.

I don’t know, I’ve tried so many things.
.
There is a river which travels throughout my mind.
I wish…
to cast myself upon it.
I wish to float…
so freely,
thoughtlessly.

I wish to travel on that watery grave where thoughts become meaningless.

Yea, I say,

where there is no existence of feeling.

In my sorrow,
time has no meaning beyond the moment.

Now I’m feeling, wishing,
that moments had no meaning;

that there was no undergoing, nor gleaning
of the fates which impede our progression

toward the eternal truth of love,
and understanding.

Now I’m feeling, wishing,
that there was no undergoing, nor gleaning

of the fates which beckon falsely,

trapping hopeful lovers, ensnaring us in situations

that dash our hopes,

and those of others.

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Is it wrong

to want the person you love

to remain the same forever?

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20200319_191439If I were to die tomorrow…
The thought has crossed my mind a few times today. What with Corvid-19 going around and being 65 and a hypochondriac. I have the dry cough, sore red throat, and congestion. Wifie says the virus kills the cilia lining the throat. You can’t cough stuff up so you get pneumonia and die.

So, if I were to die tomorrow. I wouldn’t be too upset. A sudden illness and quick death would be much better to me than say, a slow decline into Alzheimers. Better to rip the bandage off quickly than to peel it back slowly.

Hm. All this imagery.

I suppose I’m not too worried because I have certain expectations of death. It will be like the next horizon. The undiscovered country. When I stand there, you’ll see me, but you won’t see those whom I see on the other side of the hill. There are the people I leave behind and the people I meet: generations of family members, friends, acquaintances, and strangers for whom I’ve done so many things I don’t remember.

Life’s been good. For the past 33 years. I’ve had a better half who has kept my heart warm, life challenging, and to whose presence I’ve looked forward every morning. If it’s true that “man is, that he might have joy”, then, having “endured to the end”, I have “fulfilled the measure of my creation”.

I do have my regrets though. I wish I were more brave, and could have said those things I wanted for my family and friends, to them. I’ve partially hidden behind a facade of “live and let live”, and Zen. That if people wanted to change, wanted more, they would have pursued it.

But that’s not totally true either. People are sometimes afraid, and that fear can keep them from what they want. Just as my fear of rejection keeps me from sharing what I want for them. Perhaps if I had said something, I could have helped them with their fear.

I know there is no letting someone do something. I can’t control my family, friends, and acquaintances, but, I can influence you.

So if I were to die tomorrow, tonight I would say to you, “Be Good”. Most of the troubles we endure, we create ourselves. Live while looking forward with an eye of faith to the undiscovered country. Life is eternal.

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Yellow Roses

If you are female friend, but not my wife,

I can’t ask you to be my Valentine
(Lest it cause me marital strife.) 😊

But know I love and care for you,
as good friends do.

So on this day of card and flower,
know that in my Heart I’m true,
and as it’s in my power,
I wish and hope the best for you!

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A Bear In Our Lair


I hear a bear growling in our lair.
Her rumble is everywhere!
It bounces off the walls and ceiling
leaving me unsettled feeling.

I can’t sleep.
Not a peep!

So I’m driven to my den
growling follows even then!

I hear it muted,
through floor and walls.
Smiling now the growling palls.

Now eyelids close,
and head drops down,
her growling pleasant susurround.

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